• Victoria Lentfer

Focus on the Positive Aspects, Not the Problem

You know what they say, if you can't say anything nice, come sit by me - Olympia Dukakis, Steel Magnolias. We all have one of those friends. The person we go to when we want to "vent" about a frustration regarding someone or a situation. The conversation gains momentum and escalates with every wounding exchange of stories. When you are in the midst of the conversation, you think you feel heard or your feelings are validated. You are defending how right you are, and how wrong they are. In actuality you are fighting for your limitations.


Do you really feel better when you walk away from that conversation? Do you feel relief? I know for myself I feel a little icky about cutting someone or something down. If you do a deep reflective dive, it's always about you, not about the other person and how they "wronged" you. It's evidence of how you feel. If you are engaging in a negative conversation , the evidence will reveal you have negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself. Which is sad, but can be shifted. It takes a moment to choose to think about the positives. Look at the situation and find the good, especially in a challenging situation. Stop fighting for your limitations and seek growth. Why did you react this way? How did you feel when this situation arose? Why did you feel this?


Your ego is often at the root of the conflict. The ego is supposedly defending and protecting you in these situations. But in reality, it often puts the blame on someone or something else. Isn't that what we are trying to teach our students; to hold them accountable for their actions? Model and think about how you might feel or the action you may take

if you heard students involved in a negative, damaging conversation. Focus on the positives in each situation. Gain momentum in the positives and watch worlds unfold before you. It is much more joyous to engage in uplifting conversations, rather than lower conversations that leave you feeling deflated.


My challenge to you is to refrain from negative conversations for one day, reflect on how you felt and what may have manifested because of the positive conversations. Let me know how it worked for you.


Have Fun Engaging in Uplifting Conversations!

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